Dear little Jonas

I begin saying that I am still in love with you as I was in the beginning and that I still feel and support the idea of we were meant to be together. I think the biggest prove of my dreams becoming true is you and not just because I wished to be with you but because you trust this feeling and you brought force and reality to things that in those times were just a product of imagination.

I want to thank you for your full support and for your so incredible commitment to this relationship. For holding me tight and be a pusher when the complications come into our life and you bring faith and harmony all around. 

There is times when I am weak and I intoxicate myself with bad thoughts and you still hug me and make me change my mind. You know my ups and downs and you still accept me and have a full picture of me has a great being. I never saw someone love someone as you love me. 

Jonas, I want to still and for a very long time be with you. I want to learn more from you and this love that makes me stop thinking in its limits. I want to push you up, push us up and be the miracle of love we are designed to be. I want to inspire with this deep connection we got between us. And I want us to trust the power we have to also heal us. 

I have ask myself so many questions and I had be hard with many things and I came to understand that what we have is magical. That what we wish and give to each others has no boundaries and the result should guide us to real happiness. To build a dream life together, where we are not affected anymore for the world and its accelerated rhythm but inspired for the beautiful energy and synergy that surround us.

I am still learning and I am still falling apart in some points in life, but you make me stronger and I wish to make to have the same effect with you. I do not know how much I know myself and how much with this could you know about me but your love has a very positive result in my life. 

Lets dream baby, lets trust and lets grow together. Lets come back to the most harmonious way to live life. I want you to feel I am here for you always and that I truly love you.

But nobody is perfect

I thought about this quote in a simple way and not exactly with personal experimentation. At least not as deep experimentation as today. Now I know all the living creatures have its beauty and its ugliness. That me just for judging, collaborate with this world of imperfection. But I am affaected by it, in the measure that I decide and in the measure I continue bringing past acts to my mind.

I am very involved with what already happened, I am left with questions about what do I believe now that I see that my life is not perfect and that one day could turn more and more imperfect. Suddenly I feel like I cannot breath trust. The capability to accept something with its downs and its ups.

The wind blows and I just wanna move on. Find my own root where I just grow and die in the same point, with the same view, ideals, believes. I have stopped to think about the part of being "un buen samaritano". I do not think I have to show myself something just living with doubts.

I do not know why we sometimes feel alone and when we choose we feel as we did it wrong. I used to call me a romanticist because it was easy to be romantic when every begining came to and end in a short period of time. I feel as I stop moving, just to observe. To observe how life was brighter when I kept myself un-involved.

If life had a meaning that we are able to find sharing I hope I discover it. I feel so much of a waste of time when I am not able to find my center again. I am just there hanging un-balanced. The complicated branch that just curve itself but does not grow and does not fall. Not wanting to cooperate with nature.

 Maybe one of the few truths that I know is that whatever I choosed I am not going to be able to find out if it was a good decision, till the years pass. I think I will never be sure about what I want and I had never been. Everything was learning, from others and from self experimentation, and between both ways my meanings and ideals just got mixed and complicated.

I see the trouble with myself and I would like to sometimes generalize it to the human race, but also I have learned that I should not talk about myself as the rest of the people. So this is me, an individual who does not see herself as the others. Not because I feel I am under or over the rest of the humans but because I had learned that we are not the same.

I keep going I think because we are pushed to go by all the forces that sorround us and by all the heart pumping. All this energy of life that keep us alive just going and doing. But the mind, the mind many times stops me and many other times it helps.

And even do I have learned how to work with my mind, even do I knew what was discipline, many times I come to the point where I feel I know nothing.

I had been very convincing telling stories about love, peace, ideals and beautiful expressions of the universe but I just have forgot how to keep believing in them.

"I am here to leave and I was there to stay."