But nobody is perfect

I thought about this quote in a simple way and not exactly with personal experimentation. At least not as deep experimentation as today. Now I know all the living creatures have its beauty and its ugliness. That me just for judging, collaborate with this world of imperfection. But I am affaected by it, in the measure that I decide and in the measure I continue bringing past acts to my mind.

I am very involved with what already happened, I am left with questions about what do I believe now that I see that my life is not perfect and that one day could turn more and more imperfect. Suddenly I feel like I cannot breath trust. The capability to accept something with its downs and its ups.

The wind blows and I just wanna move on. Find my own root where I just grow and die in the same point, with the same view, ideals, believes. I have stopped to think about the part of being "un buen samaritano". I do not think I have to show myself something just living with doubts.

I do not know why we sometimes feel alone and when we choose we feel as we did it wrong. I used to call me a romanticist because it was easy to be romantic when every begining came to and end in a short period of time. I feel as I stop moving, just to observe. To observe how life was brighter when I kept myself un-involved.

If life had a meaning that we are able to find sharing I hope I discover it. I feel so much of a waste of time when I am not able to find my center again. I am just there hanging un-balanced. The complicated branch that just curve itself but does not grow and does not fall. Not wanting to cooperate with nature.

 Maybe one of the few truths that I know is that whatever I choosed I am not going to be able to find out if it was a good decision, till the years pass. I think I will never be sure about what I want and I had never been. Everything was learning, from others and from self experimentation, and between both ways my meanings and ideals just got mixed and complicated.

I see the trouble with myself and I would like to sometimes generalize it to the human race, but also I have learned that I should not talk about myself as the rest of the people. So this is me, an individual who does not see herself as the others. Not because I feel I am under or over the rest of the humans but because I had learned that we are not the same.

I keep going I think because we are pushed to go by all the forces that sorround us and by all the heart pumping. All this energy of life that keep us alive just going and doing. But the mind, the mind many times stops me and many other times it helps.

And even do I have learned how to work with my mind, even do I knew what was discipline, many times I come to the point where I feel I know nothing.

I had been very convincing telling stories about love, peace, ideals and beautiful expressions of the universe but I just have forgot how to keep believing in them.

"I am here to leave and I was there to stay."